You Can’t Control Everything (But You Can Control This)

I’ve spent most of my life driven by fear.

Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of being seen as an imposter. Fear of making the wrong move. Fear of saying what I actually believe instead of what I think people want to hear. And this is just the short list.

I know I'm not special here. Most leaders I know struggle with some version of this. And to be fair, some fear is healthy. It sharpens our instincts. It keeps us from making reckless decisions. It's an evolutionary protective mechanism. I owe some of my "success" to this fear. But there’s a point where fear tips from helpful to harmful. From caution to paralysis.

As I've grown older I've found ways to tame and mask that fear, through music, through exercise, through nature, through the right types of socializing — but it's never really disappeared. It's always there, subtle but persistent, ready to reassert itself the moment I let my guard down.

And it’s only recently that I’ve realized there’s a thread, a connective tissue, that runs through every flavor of fear and anxiety I’ve experienced: it’s a fear of lacking control.

Once I saw that clearly, it reframed everything. The question shifted from “How do I avoid fear?” to “What do I do when control isn’t possible?”

This year has only brought that lesson into sharper focus.

The social impact space has been marked by real fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Shrinking budgets, funding cuts, political pressure. These are realities, not just imagined. There's the "scarcity mindset"...and then there's just true scarcity.

And because Cosmic serves this sector, those realities have been ours too. It hasn’t been a “normal” year. In many ways it’s reminded me of the early days of the pandemic: so much chaos that many leaders and organizations respond by freezing, waiting, or hunkering down. I don't say this with judgement, it's just a reflection and observation.

I’ve felt that pull myself. There have been days where the weight of it all has made me want to retreat. And there have been days where I do exactly that. But what I’ve learned (and keep learning) is that paralysis is usually just a symptom of avoidance. And avoidance is a symptom of a deeper fear.

Focus on What You Do Control

Here’s what’s helped me stay grounded: focusing on what I can actually control.

I can’t control the economy. I can’t control federal policy. I can’t control funder behavior or the latest headlines.

But I can control how I show up each day. What I give my hours and energy to. Whether I spin out in worry, or whether I focus on the highest-leverage work that makes a meaningful difference.

For us this year, that’s meant rolling out a new Case for Support offering, leaning in with flexibility and humanity with the clients we serve, and asking ourselves every day: Is this constructive? Is this work going to make a meaningful difference for our clients? Or are we just checking the boxes in our contract?

And I’ll be honest: some days I’ve failed at this. Some days I’ve spiraled into worry or wasted energy on things I couldn’t change. But coming back to this grounding question has been a lifeline. Maybe even a mantra.

"What can I control, and am I acting on it?"

The Year-End is a Mirror

So what does this mean for you, especially as we head into year-end — often the most high-stakes season in our sector?

It means resisting paralysis. It means resisting avoidance. It means doubling down on what you can control. It means making moves with conviction, courage, and good intention, even if you don’t feel 100% ready. Because doing something is almost always better than doing nothing.

If you're like me and you struggle with fear, or perfectionism, or whatever word you want to use to describe that state of mind, then take Glennon Doyle's advice and "do it scared."

Year-end is a mirror. If you’ve been consistent in your strategy, storytelling and communications, that will show. If you haven’t, year-end won’t save you — but it can still be a chance to reset. The choice is whether you act with fear, or with clarity and conviction.

Here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself that may help you too:

• What can I control? What can I not control?
• Is fear or scarcity driving this decision?
• Does it have to?
• Am I making moves with courage, integrity, and intention?
• Am I doing the best I can with the resources I have right now?
• Am I focusing on the highest leverage strategies and activities?
• Am I giving myself space to recharge and nurture my own energy?

Your answers won't be the same every day. But just like when you get distracted during meditation, or when you wander from the path, simply begin again — without judgement. Simple. Not Easy.

I also want to pause and acknowledge something real: this has been a trying season. Many of us are burnt out, overwhelmed, and overworked. But I'm not suggesting you have to do more. I'm asking you to be sure you're focusing on what’s in your control and what's possible, and giving yourself the gift of that focus. When you let go of the rest, it doesn’t just reduce stress. Done right, it can actually re‑energize you. The clarity itself gives you some energy back.

I'd Love to Hear From You

As you read this, I’d love to hear your perspective:

• What does fear — and control — look like for you and your organization right now?
• Where have you felt yourself held back by paralysis or avoidance?
• What practices or strategies are helping you move forward with conviction?

Join the conversation on Substack. I read every response.